Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Skog Family Week in Review

Last summer we canceled our tv partially because of budgetary constraints and also just because there wasn't anything that we really watched during the summer months anyway.  Because of this we were forced to create our own shows.  We decided to do the same thing this year.  Here is what has been playing in the Skog home along with the TV Guide Episode Summary:

So Superstar Thinks She Can Dance?

A behind the scenes reality show about a young girl and her dreams of becoming the next Shirley Temple.  Watch as she tries to stay awake during late night rehearsals and taps her way into the hearts of America.

Commercial Break - Time Life Music Presents: The Skog Girls Sing the Songs of Summer

Remember the good old days when you could pick up a nice four record collection of hits through the mail and it wasn't a Kidz Bop album?  Well good news!  The Skog Sisters have brought this back!  Act now and you can receive this old timey favorite of Papa Dennis:

But that's not all!  The first twenty callers will also get this medley of Disney hits!

But wait!  There's more!  If you call in the next five minutes and use your credit card you'll also receive a bonus disc of Inspirational songs.

Operators are standing by!

Commercial Break - Superstar Has Fallen and She Can't Get Up

Strollers Can Be Dangerous.  Be safe out there this Summer.  The More You Know...

The Next Food Network Star

A young kitchen prodigy shows off her culinary skills, including kg's patented stir technique, to make the perfect scrambled eggs.

Oprah's Search For the Next Talk Show Host

The World's Tiniest Rockstar attempts to become the World's Tiniest Talk Show Host.  Hilarity ensues when her guests can't understand her gibberish.

Cappy Gilmore's Blindside

Hilarity ensues when a homeless man (kg) is taken in by a Utah Family and he helps lead them to last place in their annual family golf tournament.  Disgusted with the outcome, the family Patriarch (The Oscar Nominated Big J) throws him back on the streets and kg is forced to steal the family van as well as the coveted "Brown Keg" and make a run for the border.

America's Next Top Supermodel

The stakes are raised when Wheels tells kg that there's no way his beard could get any worse.

Father's Day

Finally, what goes with this fine programming?  Popcorn of course.  I have successfully brainwashed the girls into loving my snack of choice.  Sadly, our popper had not been working well as of late and conveniently the Friday night before Father's Day it officially gave up the ghost.  On Saturday the girls quickly remedied this problem, although I don't think Rockstar was as excited as her older sisters were to give this gift.  She really wanted to go with the tie.  Perhaps if you didn't speak in gibberish, Rockstar, your voice would be heard.  Maybe next year.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Super Saturday

Memorial Day Weekend wasn't just a nice opportunity to celebrate our fallen ancestors it was a time to take pleasure in the pain of our current friends and family.  That's right, it was Super Sat!  Some of you might ask, "What is Super Saturday?"  Here is a brief history lesson for the uninitiated:  Super Sat is an annual tradition that started nearly 10 years ago when Herms and I realized that due to the proximity of our birthdays we should milk them for as much as possible.  Super Sat was born as a day to play any and all sports, eat a lot of meat with no sides and be as manly as possible or at least as manly as two wussbags like Herms and myself could be.  After a few years we realized that Big J's birthday was also within a reasonable proximity to ours and therefore we should be milking this event even more.  At that point, Super Sat expanded into its current weekend format.  The only thing that has changed over the years is that as we have gotten older (read: fatter and lazier) we have toned down some of the athletic events and added more games, movies and eating.  Trust me, it's for the best.


In the past we have had a trophy but this year we were playing for the coveted "Schaudenfreuder" T-shirt.  "Schadenfreude" is a German term, roughly translated as, "I take pleasure in your pain" and it was in tribute of the late, great Father Herms who passed away last year.  This was a victory phrase that he commonly shouted at Herms and I after wiping us all over the tennis courts of various SL Valley parks.  Side note: The championship shirt was misspelled, much to the dismay of Herms' spelling bee champion son, Jack.  I suppose we should have trusted him over Google.


kg, Herms, Big J, Flanksteak, UtahFun, Troy, and Big Al.


Each event was worth 5 pts and kg was allowed to give random points at his discretion.


The First Event was the Double Down Challenge.  kg, Herms, Big J, UtahFun and Troy all met at the local KFC.  Flanksteak was unable to join us and Big Al boycotted this event due to the fact that he worked at a KFC during his formative years and has never stepped foot in one since his last day of work over 16 years ago.  Fun Fact: Big Al used to smell so badly when he came home from work that Crazy Sue would force him to strip down to his undies in the garage and leave his uniform outside of the house.  Another Fun Fact: While working at KFC, Big Al was well known for his prowess of sliding the furthest on the grease covered floors.  Alrighty then, now that everyone is hungry let's get to it.

For those of you unfamiliar with the KFC Double Down, it is a 'sandwich' that consists of two chicken breasts that serve as the bun and a middle section of cheese, bacon and a mystery sauce.  The Double Down is so controversial that the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine had sent a letter asking KFC to refrain from advertising this sandwich to children.

UtahFun, who would not be able to join the Saturday events, realized that he really needed to step up his game in order to have a shot at the title of Super Sat Champion.  What happened next is the stuff of legend that will be passed down from generation to generation.  It was one of those life changing experiences where you will always remember where you were when it happened.  UtahFun stepped right up to the counter and asked for a Double Double Down.  John, the kid working the register, got a twinkle in his eye.  "Are you serious?" he asked, "I've never seen one of those before.  It would make my night."  UtahFun said, "Yes, let's do it."  I've never seen someone as excited to be working in the fast food industry as John.  He told the girl in the back to get out of the way because he had to make this.  Not only did Utah have the World's First KFC, we might have actually created the World's First Quadruple Double Down.  It was a gamechanger that I'll never forget.

UtahFun jumped out to a huge lead after I awarded him 10 pts. Big J, who was trying to work off his annual tax season weight gain, declined to eat the tasty sandwich and was awarded no points. Flanksteak was awarded a few discretionary points for timely texts like, "I've never seen UtahFun look so happy" and "That should be the picture in his obituary." Well played, Flanksteak.  Big Al was awarded no points and the rest of us earned our 5.

Next up was a screening of Iron Man 2.  No points were awarded for participation because we were all winners for seeing ScarJo in black leather.  Herms was deducted 1 point for poor parking and Big J earned one point for screaming in disgust after we waited through the 10 minute credits for a big payoff.  Good laughs there.

After an intermission we started back up Saturday afternoon and hit the tennis courts.  The participants for this portion were kg, Herms, Big J, Flanksteak and Troy with Herms as the huge favorite entering the tennis portion.  Rules of this event were: Round Robin Doubles, switch partners each game, everyone gets to serve twice and one player sits out each game.  Simple enough.  Rather than a coin toss, teams were chosen by the old, spin your racquet and let the other players guess tactic.  For example, if I had a Prince tennis racquet I would hold the handle and spin the racquet and let my opponent guess "P or D."  The handle is then revealed and the winner gets to choose if he/she would like to serve or receive.  Much to our surprise, the big winner of the Tennis event was Big J.  Granted, Big J was a fine tennis player in his prime, some might even dare say that he was "the finest athlete ever to come out of Cache Valley*" but the man is now a senior citizen.  I'm not sure if it was payback for the mocking he received the night before for bowing out of the Double Down Challenge or what, but I haven't seen an old man dominate his juniors athletically in such a fashion since Thornton Melon.  Flanksteak and I tied for 2nd, Herms in 4th and Troy in 5th. 

Next up was disc golf.  Again, considering that he was the only one to have ever played and that he owned his own discs, Herms was a heavy favorite.  This time he delivered.  kg did not fare as well, losing his disc on the first throw.  Luckily, as we headed off the course after our round was over, another group of golfers had found the poorly thrown disc and returned it to Herms.  Side note: The crowd at the disc golf course was an interesting bunch to say the least.  Our group had the beards to fit in but lacked the bare chests, tattoos and chain smoking.  Big J might have lacked some distance with his throws and his Fred Flintstone-esque twinkle toes delivery, but ever the competitor, Big J actually removed his shirt at one point in order to see if that would help his game.  I took a few photos but when I tried to pull them up on my computer I got a blank picture that just said, "These photos were washed away by the Weber River" similar to when someone flips off the camera (or worse) at Disneyland while riding Splash Mountain.  Very strange.  Anyway, Herms took first, then Troy, Bry, Big J and kg taking up the rear.

The group then made a pitstop at the finest meat shop in Utah, Sniders Bros.  Sadly, the shop was out of turkey wrapped in bacon but we made do with beef tenderloin, salmon, chicken and pork.  Big J was awarded special points for his fine work on the grill and everyone was awarded points for eating enough meat to shave a few years off of their lives.  UtahFun even made a brief cameo.

Big Al also joined us for the evening portion of Super Saturday that consisted of games.  Board games, billiards, etc.  Big Al made an excellent showing, considering he had missed the opportunity to score points at the earlier events and pushed himself into the top 3 overall standings.  However, it was Big J who continued his domination who came out on top.  Truly a fine exhibition and effort by the old man.  I hope he wears the shirt with pride.  Please join me in congratulating our 2010 Super Sat Champion, Big J.  Kudos to you sir.

* citation needed

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Skog Family Weeks in Review

Long time readers will remember that the motto of The Skog Girls is that they just want to party all the time.  Living this kind of lifestyle doesn't allow for much blogging time but here is my attempt to get the blog back on track.

The World Cup 2010 Spring Preview

Superstar finished off her first year of soccer with a successful spring season.  As you can see from the pics below she is really good.  She even got a medal and they don't just hand those out to everybody.  Superstar enjoyed it enough that we are going back for more this fall.  To be continued.

April 24th - What A Special Day

For as long as I can remember my family has made April 24th a special day.  I'm not quite sure why but some internet searching led me to understand that it is perhaps in celebration of the salvage of the famous old Swedish warship, The Vasa.  More likely though, it's for Barbara Streisand's birthday.  My parents did always love The Broadway Album.  IRregardless, I have continued this tradition with my children.  This year Superstar made breakfast burritos and then Wheels and I went out with some family members for a lovely sushi dinner.  A most excellent day.  I am told that Superstar was friggin adorable while she cooked up the burritos and we wish there was better photographic evidence.  Also, Superstar planned all week to have her sisters and her wear their matching, "Daddy's Little Angel Shirts" since she knew the 24th was a special day for her old man.  Thanks, Superstar.

The Land of Zion

Wheels, ever the fan of The Matrix, headed down south to the land of Zion during the first weekend of May with her good friend AM. She was pleased to report that it wasn't nearly as strange as portrayed in the movie and spent most of her time looking at rocks and walking.  Sounds like the perfect recipe for an exciting trip.  The girls were able to make it to the top of Angel's Landing and have pictures to prove it.  Fun Fact: kg and his fear of heights and lack of walking skills have actually climbed this as well.

Tunes From Toots

Here is Toots with the ol' schoolyard classic - Cinderella Dressed in Yella.  In the other clip she poses the question that all Little Mermaids ask, "What's a fire and why does it... what's the word...?"

The Rockstar Has A Question For You

Speaking of questions, Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

The Most Delicious Ice Cream Topping Ever

I love ice cream and root beer.  I would dare say that a root beer freeze or shake might be my favorite dessert.  However,  I don't really enjoy a good root beer float.  How does that make any sense?  Well if any of you are in the same boat then please rush out NOW to your nearest supermarket and pick up some of this tasty treat.  I loved it and my girls did too.  I've only tried the A&W so I can't vouch for the Dr. Pepper topper but I imagine that would be delightful as well.

Dinosaur Park

Wheels took the girls to the local dino park on Memorial Day while I was golfing.  Since I wasn't there I don't have much to add other than these pics are a much more enjoyable archaeological experience than the last Indy Jones flick.

Superstar's Portfolio Vol. XVIII

Once again, all shot by Superstar (If you can believe it!)

Toots' Pics Vol. I

Toots decided to throw her hat into the photography ring.  I never would have guessed that two amateur photographers with such talent would live under the Skog roof.  Nice debut, Toots.

Rockstar - Not A Fan of the Grass

My only memory from when I was a small child is that of me crawling around with my head skimming the floor in front of me.  I believe it was to help steer me away from the grass, of which I was deathly afraid.  Glad I could pass along something more than just my hair, silky falsetto and hay fever to my girls.

Superstar All Grows Up

Superstar is moving on to kindergarten.  Unbelievable.  Our little Superstar is all grown up.  She grows up and she grows up and she grows up.

Random Pics

Well I hope you enjoyed your tour of April and May as much as I did.  Here are a few other misc pics since I figured that what this post was missing was more pics.

Thanks for reading and have a great week.