Sunday, December 5, 2010

Strange Competition Nears End

(Northern UT)

A local family decided to spend their weekend in a very unconventional manner - by having a vomit and diarrhea competition.

"I've always enjoyed having a post-Thanksgiving cleanse," stated the father, kg, "but with the increase in popularity of Black Friday we decided to push it back a week to avoid any conflicts.  Plus with my fear of public rest rooms it would not have been as successful as it has ended up being."

Their oldest daughter, Superstar, got the ball rolling early on Thursday morning when she rolled over and puked down the wall of her bedroom.  Hearing the commotion, the youngest, Rockstar, said "I wanna fo up too, Mommy," and proceeded to throw up down her mother Wheels' back.  The two siblings battled throughout the day with the Superstar finishing on top with five official spew sessions.

Their efforts paled in comparison to those of their other sister Toots.

"Toots really stepped up her game this weekend," said kg, "I know she'd been getting down on herself because her vomit just wasn't falling this year.  I told her to take it one vomit at a time and continue to give 110% and it would all work out."

And work out it did.  In what is likely a Skog Family record, Toots was able to lose her milk and cookies not once, not twice but 10 times over a 24 hour period.

"I am just happy we planned ahead with this one," added Wheels.  "We had the bowl ready so each time Toots said she was going to throw up kg had the light switch on and I got the bowl in place and to little Toots' credit she never overshot the bowl.  We missed out on a lot of sleep but it was worth it to avoid the laundry and to have minimal cleanup."  

"I am very proud of Toots.  I had no idea something so small could blow that much chunk," stated her father.

Not being much of a vomiter kg made his contributions elsewhere.

"I'm not sure he was even sick," said Wheels, "I mean, he spent 4 hours on the toilet today but that's only 15 min more than most Saturdays."

"I wasn't happy with my performance at all this year.  I trained daily for hours and I ate as poorly as possible leading up to this weekend.  I mean checkout this menu starting Thursday - Chipotle, InNOut, Ben & Jerrys, Tornados from Maverick and then Ruby River.  I should have been in the bathroom for at least six hours."

The true diarrhea champion may very well have been the Rockstar.  "A few times it sounded like someone poured a pitcher of water in her diaper," said her father.

"I can't remember smelling anything so foul," added her mother.

Whether it was from the smell, lack of sleep, or envy, Wheels finally got into the mix Sunday morning.

"I've only puked four times so far but I got more in me, I'm a trooper," declared Wheels as she headed back to bed for some much needed rest.