Strange Competition Nears End

(Northern UT)

A local family decided to spend their weekend in a very unconventional manner - by having a vomit and diarrhea competition.

"I've always enjoyed having a post-Thanksgiving cleanse," stated the father, kg, "but with the increase in popularity of Black Friday we decided to push it back a week to avoid any conflicts.  Plus with my fear of public rest rooms it would not have been as successful as it has ended up being."

Their oldest daughter, Superstar, got the ball rolling early on Thursday morning when she rolled over and puked down the wall of her bedroom.  Hearing the commotion, the youngest, Rockstar, said "I wanna fo up too, Mommy," and proceeded to throw up down her mother Wheels' back.  The two siblings battled throughout the day with the Superstar finishing on top with five official spew sessions.

Their efforts paled in comparison to those of their other sister Toots.

"Toots really stepped up her game this weekend," said kg, "I know she'd been getting down on herself because her vomit just wasn't falling this year.  I told her to take it one vomit at a time and continue to give 110% and it would all work out."

And work out it did.  In what is likely a Skog Family record, Toots was able to lose her milk and cookies not once, not twice but 10 times over a 24 hour period.

"I am just happy we planned ahead with this one," added Wheels.  "We had the bowl ready so each time Toots said she was going to throw up kg had the light switch on and I got the bowl in place and to little Toots' credit she never overshot the bowl.  We missed out on a lot of sleep but it was worth it to avoid the laundry and to have minimal cleanup."  

"I am very proud of Toots.  I had no idea something so small could blow that much chunk," stated her father.

Not being much of a vomiter kg made his contributions elsewhere.

"I'm not sure he was even sick," said Wheels, "I mean, he spent 4 hours on the toilet today but that's only 15 min more than most Saturdays."

"I wasn't happy with my performance at all this year.  I trained daily for hours and I ate as poorly as possible leading up to this weekend.  I mean checkout this menu starting Thursday - Chipotle, InNOut, Ben & Jerrys, Tornados from Maverick and then Ruby River.  I should have been in the bathroom for at least six hours."

The true diarrhea champion may very well have been the Rockstar.  "A few times it sounded like someone poured a pitcher of water in her diaper," said her father.

"I can't remember smelling anything so foul," added her mother.

Whether it was from the smell, lack of sleep, or envy, Wheels finally got into the mix Sunday morning.

"I've only puked four times so far but I got more in me, I'm a trooper," declared Wheels as she headed back to bed for some much needed rest.

Sundance TwentyTen

I am still speechless from The Super Bowl.  What a game!  What a finish!  Checkout the highlights below:



Alright, alright, I know what you're thinking.  "kg, that Super Bowl was from like 20 years ago" well this is my blog and I will review things in my own time.  This weekend I will be reviewing the new video game that is taking The Skog Home by storm.  Stay tuned.

In other news, last month I participated in what has become an annual tradition, The Sundance Film Festival.  Back in the day I always assumed it would be a major pain to head up to Park City and deal with two of my least favorite things - crowds and traffic.  Because of this I never attended Sundance and I created my own Film Festival called "Capdance".  Capdance was basically myself, Flanksteak, Vanwarmer and other assorted family members watching 4 movies on a Saturday in January at the local Megaplex Theatre.  It was such a part of my life that I even proposed to Wheels during Capdance 2002.  Fear not, I didn't put a message on the movie screen like some kind of quasi jumbotron, there was a hint of romance involved, but alas that is a story for another day...

This year's Sundance might have been the best yet.  Flanksteak, Vanwarmer and myself headed up to Park City on a frosty Saturday morn last month and went 2 for 2 on quality films.  Quick sidenote: many people think that just because a film is in Sundance that it is good.  Well, many are not.  I would say our previous track record is barely break even between good and awful flicks.  However, this year there would be no complaints.  We saw The Tillman Story, a fascinating documentary about the former NFL player turned Army Ranger who was killed by friendly fire.  After that screening we headed over to another film premiere and were treated to Cyrus, a dark comedy about a creepy 21 year old son who tries to sabotage his mother's new relationship.

When I tell people that I attended Sundance, most of them only want to know whether or not I saw any celebrities.  Well of course we do.  Many of the actors attend the screenings and do Q&A sessions following the films.  It is one of the most enjoyable aspects of the Sundance experience.  You do also run into some people on the street and that, my friends, is when the real magic happens.  For those of you who don't like to read and just want to see the pretty pictures, look no further.

Here is Flanksteak and myself awaiting the day's first shuttle.

Checkout the fine print above my head on the window if you can. I only meet one of the seat's requirements but I will allow you to guess which one.

We stepped off the shuttle at the Tillman screening and run smack into Danny McBride. Yes THE Danny McBride. I haven't seen Flanksteak this happy in a picture since his baby, Lemon, was born.

kg getting in on the hot and heavy Danny McBride action.  McBride was a very cool guy who rode the shuttles and rubbed elbows with us common folk.  A+  Funny story, ok maybe not hilarious per se, but I showed this picture to some coworkers and said, "Here is my brother and I with Danny McBride."  My coworkers thought that  Danny and I were brothers.  Suck on that, Flanksteak...  or don't, I suppose, because that means that people think YOU are a star, pal. 

Vanwarmer headed out for popcorn and other snacks but in reality I think he just wanted to catch a closer glimpse of Lisa Edelstein from House.

While sitting patiently waiting for the Tillman documentary to start mine eyes did see Bill Simmons enter the room. Bill is better known as The Sports Guy on ESPN.com and is my favorite writer of the past ten years.  Like an aggressive man racing for the hottest chick at a singles dance I quickly approached him and asked him for his number.  He declined but gave me a photo-op as a nice consolation prize.  He was a likeable guy who rather than mock my Duke sweatshirt (he is a well known Duke hater) complimented my beard. Class act.

Vanwarmer posing with infamous documentarian Michael Moore. When Vanwarmer asked him for a pic Mr. Moore asked Vanwarmer for $10. He was only joking, I think. IRregardless, Vanwarmer got the pic before the Tillman Story started and I overheard Moore as I was leaving say, "This film only scratches the surface. We need a more thorough investigation." I think that means he liked the movie as well.

Quite possibly the most important celebrity we saw was a man we lovingly call "The Town Crier". Anybody who has attended a screening at The Eccles Theatre in Park City knows who this guy is. He is the best in the business. He mixes sass with a no-nonsense attitude to ensure that no patrons end up on the wrong bus. He is a man truly worthy of a Bud Light Real Men of Genius Award. Here's to you, Town Crier.

A truly magical day that we hoped would never end. We finished the night with another tradition, a montage of photos that we call "Moon Over Sundance."



POSTLUDE:

Sadly, that day did end. However our Sundance experience continued on. Vanwarmer and Flanksteak saw a few more flicks over the next week and Wheels and I were able to catch one screening of The Audience Award winning happythankyoumoreplease with Corbie and her husband, Robert.  All in all I was 3 for 3 and truly had the best Sundance experience to date.

You Better Watch Out...

Dalyn D$ Brohammas is coming to town this weekend. We are having a reception in his honor this Saturday night, 7pm at the Westminster Institute building (yep that's how we roll). I'm sure there will be some pizza, ping pong, billiards and yerba mate involved.

Address to the building is 1950 South 1200 East in SLC.

Feel free to join us.