Christmas Classics???

Last night we discussed the Skog Blog Christmas classics. Tonight I wanted to discuss the great "What Were They Thinking?" Christmas albums of all time. I'm not talking about some that are so bad that they are good (I'm looking at you Wham! and Paul McCartney) I mean the ones where you see the album on the rack at the music store, pick it up, shake your head and think, 'Really?' about a dozen times.

My first selection is going to anger our friend DogFace who hasn't been around for awhile anyway so who cares... Perhaps if I were 9 years old this album would be my all time fave. Instead it just makes me think, 'What in the name of all that is good and christmasy?'

A few years ago DogFace found some papers that his mother had saved from the 2nd grade. Every page had the Twisted Sister symbol drawn on them and his answer to the question What would you do if you had $1 million dollars was 'Go to a Twisted Sister concert.' Sorry DogFace but We're Not Gonna Take this album.







Bravo to anyone who made it all the way through 'Heavy Metal Christmas.' Wow. Anyway, up next we have a record that even Star Wars geeks Wheels and VanWarmer would have to say, 'Happy Friggin Holidays that is bad...' I give you Christmas In the Stars.

Strangely enough this album had nothing to do with the legendarily (is that even a word?) bad Star Wars Holiday Special. Christmas in the Stars came out two years after the TV special and was the first of several planned holiday records. Sadly, in a shocking turn of events, the record label went out of business after the first printing of the LP. Who says Star Wars geeks will buy anything?

Here is R2-D2: We Wish You A Merry Christmas which funny enough was the first 'professional recording' (I use the term very loosely) by Jon Bongiovi. Apparently his cousin ran the studio where the album was recorded. Try to not get too excited about this ladies (and JFNShaw.)

I don't even think I need to comment on the next one. Let me just say this - aren't there enough sad children in the world, especially at Christmas? If I had just one Christmas wish it would be that no kid would have to suffer through this.

Interesting sidenote: In the original version of the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol the ghost of Jacob Marley came and beat down Tiny Tim for listening to this album and that is how he ended up a cripple. It was a bit too edgy for its time so Charles was forced to edit that subplot out of his final draft. However, the scene was filmed for the 1970 film version of Scrooge and is featured as a deleted scene on the 25 anniversary DVD. It should be required viewing for all Kidz.

So there you have it, some of the worst Christmas abominations of all time. Feel free to add your 'anti-classics' to this list. God bless us every one.

Why Kidz Bop Is A Tool of the Devil

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the youth of the world that Kidz Bop is real music...

Any of us with children spend an inordinate amount of time with the TV set to Nick or the Disney Channel. Video babysitters are the norm for us as parents. Well nothing makes me cringe or as angry as when I see a commercial for Kidz Bop. Seriously. Who buys this crap? Why do we need to hear a group of monotone 8 year old boy tenors sing Green Day or Modest Mouse? Is hearing a bunch of prepubescent girls sing "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand really neccessary?

As parents we need to stop this madness. If our kids want to listen to the latest hits then buy them the real deal. I don't want to hear a six year old sing "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)" unless it is my child who learned it by listening to the Rolling Stones.

Recently I taught my sweet, young niece Madeline Rose how to upload music to and update her iPod. I thought I had made myself clear as to the rules of what kind of tunes should be put on her music player. I let Taylor Swift slide. I was cool with Camp Rock or the Jonas Bros. Hell even Miley Cyrus was placed into her iTunes library with great care. I bid her good day and left her with her iPod knowledge. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Come to find out that later that night the first album she uploaded on to her iPod on her own was Kidz Bop 58 (or whatever volume they are on - greedy SOBs). I marched down to her house and showed her I meant business.***

Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don't listen to Kidz Bop or Uncle Kirk we'll seriously beat you down...

*** portions of this post were fabricated for dramatic effect (affect). No children were hurt in the creation of this blog post. The Skog Blog and its contributors don't actually practice child beatings or wish any harm to children.