Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Why Kidz Bop Is A Tool of the Devil

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the youth of the world that Kidz Bop is real music...

Any of us with children spend an inordinate amount of time with the TV set to Nick or the Disney Channel. Video babysitters are the norm for us as parents. Well nothing makes me cringe or as angry as when I see a commercial for Kidz Bop. Seriously. Who buys this crap? Why do we need to hear a group of monotone 8 year old boy tenors sing Green Day or Modest Mouse? Is hearing a bunch of prepubescent girls sing "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand really neccessary?

As parents we need to stop this madness. If our kids want to listen to the latest hits then buy them the real deal. I don't want to hear a six year old sing "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)" unless it is my child who learned it by listening to the Rolling Stones.

Recently I taught my sweet, young niece Madeline Rose how to upload music to and update her iPod. I thought I had made myself clear as to the rules of what kind of tunes should be put on her music player. I let Taylor Swift slide. I was cool with Camp Rock or the Jonas Bros. Hell even Miley Cyrus was placed into her iTunes library with great care. I bid her good day and left her with her iPod knowledge. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Come to find out that later that night the first album she uploaded on to her iPod on her own was Kidz Bop 58 (or whatever volume they are on - greedy SOBs). I marched down to her house and showed her I meant business.***



Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don't listen to Kidz Bop or Uncle Kirk we'll seriously beat you down...

*** portions of this post were fabricated for dramatic effect (affect). No children were hurt in the creation of this blog post. The Skog Blog and its contributors don't actually practice child beatings or wish any harm to children.

13 comments:

Kim said...

I want you to know I was the one that loaded the Kidz Bop on Maddie's mp3. Yes, I realize it is horrible and a tool of the devil...blah blah blah.

But, you wait and see how your morals, ethics, and just general good sense go out the window when it comes to your kids.

That is all I have to say about that.

Jen said...

Seeing as you are so passionate on this subject, have you considered a preemptive strike? When Kidz Bop 79 comes out, why not gift the nieces and nephews with the "correct" versions of the songs that you will, no doubt, have in your library obtained by questionable measures. You could probably charge then $9.99 and tell them it is not available in stores.

KG said...

No I'll charge them $19.99 plus $7.00 shipping and handling. Now "That's What I call Music!"

flanksteak said...

Wow. It only took you 8 posts before you went the child abuse route. Congratulations.

Corbie said...

First of all, thanks for the affect/effect reference...why don't you just out all of my grammatical issues such as who/whom and laying/lying?

Marti is with me right now. She loves Kidz Bop and she says she can take you if you try to kick her ass. She's waiting...bring it on. She also loves James Blunt but she deserves to get her ass kicked for that so I currently have her in a half nelson and I am typing with my remaining hand.

Vanwarmer said...

Kidz Bop is difficult to hear, but it can be a gateway drug for some youngsters, leading them into the dazzling world of pop music.

I do admit that my son has indulged, and I further admit that it is disturbing to look in the rear-view mirror and see your three-year-old son mouthing the words to Usher's "Caught Up." On the other hand, that particular version served as a nice parody. A chorus of kids singing "oh!" over and over can really put a song on its ass.

I do feel bad for the studio musicians of Kidz Bop, who end up having to do their best to sound like someone else while singing someone else's songs--for kids. Who will speak for them? What of their dreams?

brohammas said...

Marlee has been denied the idea that Kidz Bop even exists.

I have found that mixing in Jack Johnson's Curious George soundtrack with an occasional hit of They Might Be Giants works well.

As a result my four year old can sing a long with Skankin Pickle very well, and I never have to hear Faux pop, or even Barney

Spammon said...

Kidz Bop is just the kids version of really lame wedding singer cover bands. Just as you hate listening to the kids version, listening to the adult version is a thousand times worse. Some lame band trying to sound like the original is far worse than kids waiting for their balls to drop.

There's also other types of music that you are missing and that's the 'silly fun time' songs they play on Disney. How about a round of applause for Choo Choo Soul. Yeah, I really want my kids starting off to ghetto fabulous kids song. Now time to get some baby bling.

KG said...

This will get a blog posting of its own in the very near future I've been too busy (damn you fantasy football!!!) but if we are admitting guilty pleasures I quite like Choo Choo Soul. That chick is HOT! "All aboard the choo choo train..." I also like Dan Zanes. And I like the songs by Moose E. Moose on Noggin. I'm fine with silly kid songs it's the bad covers I can't take. And while we are confessing I will watch Backyardigans with Priscilla every day of the week. Love it.

brohammas said...

I believe its Moose "A" Moose. This was a topic of contention while trying to get Marlee to understand middle names.

Talking about kids groups, and there is a chance judging by his last post that Spammon and I could end our musical love affair here, but the Dino-5 rules.

The chick from Digable Planets, one of the Jurassic 5, a dude from the Roots, and one more I can't recall.

Spammon said...

Next thing I know, you guys are going to start telling me you enjoy The Wiggles and use it as your workout playlist.

Cartoon music and singing is fine. Backyardigans are great. I can handle Little Einsteins. But it's the completely retarded Doodlebop type music that makes me want to stab fondue forks in my eardrums.

Spammon said...

I don't know who the Dino-5 are, but judging by the people in the group, I wouldn't have any problems with it.

brohammas said...

Oh spammon...swoon.