Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Christmas Classics???

Last night we discussed the Skog Blog Christmas classics. Tonight I wanted to discuss the great "What Were They Thinking?" Christmas albums of all time. I'm not talking about some that are so bad that they are good (I'm looking at you Wham! and Paul McCartney) I mean the ones where you see the album on the rack at the music store, pick it up, shake your head and think, 'Really?' about a dozen times.

My first selection is going to anger our friend DogFace who hasn't been around for awhile anyway so who cares... Perhaps if I were 9 years old this album would be my all time fave. Instead it just makes me think, 'What in the name of all that is good and christmasy?'

A few years ago DogFace found some papers that his mother had saved from the 2nd grade. Every page had the Twisted Sister symbol drawn on them and his answer to the question What would you do if you had $1 million dollars was 'Go to a Twisted Sister concert.' Sorry DogFace but We're Not Gonna Take this album.

Bravo to anyone who made it all the way through 'Heavy Metal Christmas.' Wow. Anyway, up next we have a record that even Star Wars geeks Wheels and VanWarmer would have to say, 'Happy Friggin Holidays that is bad...' I give you Christmas In the Stars.

Strangely enough this album had nothing to do with the legendarily (is that even a word?) bad Star Wars Holiday Special. Christmas in the Stars came out two years after the TV special and was the first of several planned holiday records. Sadly, in a shocking turn of events, the record label went out of business after the first printing of the LP. Who says Star Wars geeks will buy anything?

Here is R2-D2: We Wish You A Merry Christmas which funny enough was the first 'professional recording' (I use the term very loosely) by Jon Bongiovi. Apparently his cousin ran the studio where the album was recorded. Try to not get too excited about this ladies (and JFNShaw.)

I don't even think I need to comment on the next one. Let me just say this - aren't there enough sad children in the world, especially at Christmas? If I had just one Christmas wish it would be that no kid would have to suffer through this.

Interesting sidenote: In the original version of the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol the ghost of Jacob Marley came and beat down Tiny Tim for listening to this album and that is how he ended up a cripple. It was a bit too edgy for its time so Charles was forced to edit that subplot out of his final draft. However, the scene was filmed for the 1970 film version of Scrooge and is featured as a deleted scene on the 25 anniversary DVD. It should be required viewing for all Kidz.

So there you have it, some of the worst Christmas abominations of all time. Feel free to add your 'anti-classics' to this list. God bless us every one.


brohammas said...

Has anyone ever seen D Snyder and Sarah Jessica Parker in the same room?

Where is Brittney Spears and Destiny's Child albums???

Anonymous said...

Welcome back to the wonderful world of blogging.

kg said...

Brohammas - I think you are on to something with the D Snyder/SJP conspiracy. Please continue to investigate.

Flanksteak - Welcome back to the wonderful world of blog commenting.

Spammon said...

Wow...Star Wars Christmas. That was horrid. Of course, I would have loved that when I was a kid. I remember that Star Wars Christmas Special that aired on TV. This was the one that George Lucas vowed would never see the light of day ever again.

Corbie said...

Sorry but I laughed out loud at Flanksteak's comment because it was exactly what I thought. I stopped even checking to see if you've updated your blog and now I miss two posts! And my google reader is screwed up (ask Lindsey and Ammon) so I have to rely on my own detective work to see if you've posted.

Twisted Sister rocks...even the girls drew their symbol on their Trapper Keepers. The best part is that before commenting, I went into itunes to look at their song list and sorted by popularity so I could come up with a funny title to crack a joke about. Jokes on me though - Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, Heavy Metal Christams (what the...?), Deck The Halls, and Silver Bells all cracked the top ten (and numbers 11 through 15 are all Christmas as well). Of course, the song Burn in Hell made the list too. Wow - different strokes for different folks.